About time, p.2
About Time, page 2
Gulping, June worried her lip. Should she tell the truth or not? Which would be the most beneficial? “Why don’t you sit down? We can talk a bit.”
“I don’t want to talk. Answer the question.” Vasquez folded her arms across her chest, looking as though she was going to war.
June set her jacket on the back of her chair and relaxed her stance. It was a purposeful move, one she had used many times, but one she was not used to using on doctors. “I should not have spoken to you like that, and for that I am truly sorry. It was unconscionable for me to say what I did.”
“I’m not here for an apology. I’m here for an answer.”
“Doctor Vasquez—”
“Answer the damn question.”
Pausing, June cocked her head to the side. If she was a betting woman, which she wasn’t, she’d say Vasquez was on the verge of crying. “I’m sorry. But yes, what I said was true. They’re scared of you.”
Vasquez sucked in a breath and braced her hand against the doorjamb. “Thank you.”
Without another word, she turned sharply and left, the door bouncing shut after her. June stood in the silence, unsure of what to do. She’d tried to apologize. She’d tried to soften the blow. But she wasn’t about to lie to her. If only she had held her tongue—she’d never had a problem doing that before. Her phone ringing interrupted her thoughts.
June grabbed her cell and looked at the caller ID. Lydia. Again. For the fifth time that night. Answering the call, she pressed the phone to her ear. “Hey. Yeah. I’ll be home shortly. Yes. I’m leaving now. I promise. Turning the light off as I speak. See you soon. Yeah. Love you. Bye.”
Hitting the light, June shook the confrontation with Vasquez off her shoulders and headed out to her cold vehicle. Tomorrow was going to be an even longer day, which hopefully didn’t lead into an even longer night.
Chapter Two
The cold air hit her as soon as she opened the door and walked inside. Elle dropped her keys on the marble countertop in her kitchen, listening as the loud clanging echoed throughout the empty and dark house. Instead of taking off her jacket and shoes like she normally would after a long day at work, she just stood and gazed over her life. Her empty life.
There was nothing in the house for her. No good memories, no warmth, no joy. Tears sprung to her eyes, and hastily, she wiped them away before jerking at her sleeves to get her jacket off. She’d done enough crying that night—enough to last her a lifetime, just about.
It was nine in the morning by the time she’d made it out of the hospital and home. Her brand-new SUV had been frigid as she drove it through the newly snow-covered streets to the nice part of town. Hot tears had stained her cheeks and stung at her eyes the entire drive. This emotion was new. It was raw. It was unbridled. And it hurt.
Elle dropped her jacket onto the counter, toed off her shoes, and walked quietly to the thermostat, where she turned up the heat to a reasonable temperature. It may have been nine in the morning, but she had no desire to sleep, even after working a fourteen-hour shift. Her mind churned over and over, mulling on all that had happened. She couldn’t believe the audacity of the chaplain. She’d never been spoken to like that before.
Then again…she hadn’t necessarily needed to be spoken to like that before either.
What if she was right? Sighing, Elle grabbed an already open bottle of white wine from her fridge and a clean glass from her kitchen cabinet. She filled the glass beyond the acceptable point, left the bottle, and settled into her couch across from her unlit fireplace. She took one sip, the taste not even fazing her.
Was she really mean? And so what? So what if she was mean?
Another sip. Tears stung at her eyes again, and Elle rubbed them furiously, trying to get rid of the desire to let them fall. One word from a chaplain wasn’t going to be the end of her world. What did she even know? They’d never had more of a conversation other than hello and goodbye. Letting out a frustrated snort, Elle shook her head. She didn’t know anything.
But what if she did?
“Ugh!” Elle shouted at no one.
She was right. That damn chaplain was right. Elle downed the rest of her wine in two large gulps. She set her glass on the coffee table and grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch to wrap it around herself. She’d lived her life for far too long alone. Alone but not lonely had been her motto for years, but really it was lonely but not alone—at least until recently.
Elle gnawed on her lip. It was high time she did something about it. Without further hesitation, she stood up and headed for her dining room table. The papers were the only thing on it. In fact, everything in her house was pristine, cold even. The decorations were perfectly in place; nothing was amiss. Her house didn’t look lived in—or feel lived in, even.
Which was exactly how it had been for the seven years of their marriage. Empty. Cold. Distant. Lonely but not alone. Elle grabbed the pen from the pocket of her scrubs and flipped open the pages of the divorce decree. She’d put it off long enough. Logan could be happy with his eye candy, and she could rebuild, start anew, start fresh.
Scrawling her name across the paper right where the sticky-tabbed arrow pointed felt final. But it felt good. In fact, it felt perfect and right. She signed her name again on the next page and the next. One after the other, she finished her divorce, effectively ending the relationship they had built ten years prior and destroyed for the last five.
Elle slammed the papers on the table before shoving them harshly into the envelope they came in. She closed it tight and walked away. Something clicked inside. Chaplain Smart-Mouth was right. She had turned into a different woman these last years, the past two in particular, and she hadn’t become someone she liked.
Stripping down naked as she walked, she didn’t bother to put away her dirty scrubs like she normally would meticulously do. No one was there to yell at her. No one was there to scoff and complain when they stumbled over her dirty wardrobe when they woke. No one but herself.
She climbed under the covers in her bed, laid on her back, and stared at the ceiling. She’d made a decision. Chaplain Smart-Mouth was right, so she had to do something about it. She had to change. Trying to get comfortable, she begged for sleep to come. But her mind was anything but quiet or tired. Instead, plans formed one after the other. Change…she had to change. It was going to take a lot of work to get to where she had been with her colleagues and with the hospital. She’d taken the night shifts so she’d be less likely to deal with the bigwigs and had convinced herself it was because she wanted them. She’d been given the crappy shifts because no one wanted to deal with her.
Deep down, she’d known that all along. She just hadn’t wanted to admit it to herself until Chaplain Smart-Mouth was brave enough to say something to her. She wouldn’t be that way any longer. One small step at a time. That’s what she had to do. She would start each shift and each day making sure she complimented each person she worked with, doctor, nurse, medical aide, janitor alike. That’d be a start at least.
Smiling to herself, Elle turned onto her side, pulled the cover up over her shoulders, and beckoned sleep to take her body and mind. It wasn’t long until she fell into a deep and contented rest, perhaps the first she’d had in over a decade.
★
Taking a deep breath in through her nose and letting it out slowly, Elle bolstered herself. Her SUV was warm, and she knew outside would be cold, literally and figuratively. This would take a lot of work. Even after six hours of uninterrupted sleep, she knew it was the right decision to make.
Only allowing for one more hesitation, Elle turned off the engine and pushed open her car door. The frigid air blasted her face as more snow continued to fall. She hit the power lock on the key fob and made a mad dash for the door to the hospital. Upon walking in, she knew she’d made the right decision. Nurses scowled in her direction; they scattered the opposite way as she continued inside. The front receptionist said nothing to her but turned her face down and pretended to be working. She had a lot more work to get done than she thought she did.
Unwinding the scarf from her neck, Elle made her way to her locker and shoved it all in. Her step was lighter than it had been in ages. The divorce papers were in the mail, and she was determined to renew her life and make changes to be who she wanted to be. She’d always dreamed of being the doctor who made a difference—well, now was her chance.
She grabbed a cup of coffee and took a large sniff of it before she took a tentative sip. It was hot, fresh-brewed, and perfect. Anyone working on that floor knew Jerica would have been the one to make it. Grinning to herself, Elle knew exactly where she would start.
She headed for the nurses’ station with the coffee in her hand to check the boards and see where they were that night. With a heavy snowfall, there would no doubt be car accident victims in, but they would be prepared for that. Luck would have it that Jerica was at the nurses’ station, handing out orders as a good charge nurse would. Elle leaned against the counter as she studied the board, still sipping her coffee. She turned and grabbed her patient tablet and smiled at Jerica.
“Thanks for making the coffee tonight. You always make the best brew.”
Without another word, she sauntered away to go check on her patient. The air in the room changed visibly. If she were honest with herself, which was also one of her new resolutions, the air around her had changed. Elle scanned the patient information briefly before heading behind the curtain.
“I’m Doctor Vasquez. Can you tell me a little bit about what’s going on today?” She smiled, a genuine true smile. Her plan was going to work—it had to.
“I’m having a lot of pain here.” The woman pointed to her stomach.
“All right, what kind of pain? Is it sharp? Dull? Does it come and go?”
“It comes and goes. It’s sharp too. It takes my breath away; it hurts so bad.”
“Any other pain?”
The woman shook her head and looked to her presumed husband.
“Are you nauseous at all?”
“No. It’s really just the pain.”
“Okay. I’m going to press on your stomach a bit. Let me know if it hurts more or if the pain changes location.” Elle moved next to the bed and pressed both her hands gingerly into the right side of the woman’s stomach. She glanced at her young face, seeing if there was any reaction while also feeling if there was any hardness to her belly. When there was nothing, she shifted her hands slightly and tried again.
Three more times, and she was pretty sure she found the root cause. Elle stepped back and made a note on her patient tablet before she smiled at the woman. “I’m going to have my nurse come in here and set you up for a quick sonogram, but I think you might have a cyst on your ovary that is causing you some issues. It gets rather painful when they’re about ready to burst.”
Suddenly, the woman was cringing again. Her presumed husband stepped closer and grabbed her hand while she gripped the edge of the hospital bed until her knuckles turned white. Elle was up and next to her within seconds, calming her through the pain. Jerica came in while Elle coaxed the woman through it. When Elle glanced over her shoulder at Jerica, she could see the surprise written on her face.
It didn’t take much longer for the pain to subside. Elle sat back down and wrote out the order for the sonogram while explaining the most likely scenario. The woman turned sheet-white at the mention of the possibility of surgery, but Jerica was there to help explain it a little better. Elle left the woman in good hands as she went back to the board to see who was next.
Her plans were taking form.
Things seemed to be clicking into place for Elle. She felt like she was finally on the right track after being off the beaten path for far longer than she could remember. She knew there’d be hiccups along the way, people who were suspicious of her change in attitude, but that was the point, wasn’t it? If they were suspicious, then she knew it was working, and she truly was changing.
Logan had complained relentlessly about how involved she was in her cases and how wrapped up she was in her head and her needs. Well, she was going to change. Not for him, but for herself. She was going to become a new person, a new woman, a new doctor, and maybe even a new partner for whoever may come along. Gosh—what if this did change her life so she could be in a happy and loving relationship again?
All she remembered from her husband was cold. Cold, empty, and pain. Nothing from him brought joy to her anymore. Not even remembering when they first met or when he doted on her while they were dating. It had been so long ago she could barely remember it at all. Not to mention they’d both been in medical school at the same time and had been focused on their studies. He’d always been jealous she was smarter than him, did better in classes than him, and was quicker to pick up new techniques. In his mind, a traditional relationship was the way to go. Perhaps that’s why his new eye candy would suit him better.
Elle shook the thought from her mind. She saw three new patients before she found herself with some time for a break. Nurses were going to change shifts shortly, and she’d have to start her complimenting all over again. Thus far, it had been going well. She could hear the whispers behind her back, but this time, the tone was different. Instead of anger or fear lingering after the words, this time was filled with confusion and mystery.
It was best it stayed like that for a while. Elle wondered if Chaplain Smart-Mouth would be called in that night or if she was even on the schedule. It’d be nice to see if she noticed a difference in her. Perhaps that was too much to ask after only one shift into her new way of life, but a girl could hope, right? Blushing slightly, Elle shook her head and continued working on her charting. Sometimes she felt her job was endless paperwork—one of those necessary evils no one ever liked to do.
She was, however, quite good at it. Seeing as the evening would continue to be quiet, Elle took out a small notebook and pen from her scrubs and titled the top of the paper. “Goals” was scrawled across in her perfect penmanship. She wanted to be able to read it later, not just assume what she’d decided. She easily wrote down goal number one, which she decided last night, but she also needed a few more to work up to.
Goal number two… Elle ran through a whole list of things it could be. It had to be something good, though, something that would build on complimenting her coworkers. Oh! There, she had it. Number Two: make a friend. It couldn’t be that hard, could it? She hadn’t had a friend since college, and even those people she’d called friends then she didn’t really speak to now. It almost felt as if it had been far too long to contemplate even contacting them again to see if they still had something in common.
Pushing the thought to the side, Elle focused on a third goal. A goal that would let her know she truly was on the right path of changing her life and her mindset. Chewing on the end of the pen, she glanced to the door of the office to make sure no one else was coming in. She put pen to paper, knowing in an instant what she wanted to write down. Goal Number Three: go on a date.
There. She’d said it. Or rather, she’d written it down. She’d admitted exactly what she wanted for her life. She didn’t want her love life to end with her ex-husband. She wanted to continue, to move on, to find love. Love…she certainly had been missing that from her last relationship. He had found it, but she hadn’t even been looking. That was her mistake through and through, but today began her new life, her new change. Today, she started fresh.
“To love then…” Elle whispered to herself. She ripped off the piece of paper from the notebook, folded it twice, and shoved it into the pocket of her scrubs. She didn’t want to lose that paper, and she certainly didn’t want anyone else to see it either.
After finishing up her paperwork, Elle pushed open the office door and ducked out into the hallway. She ran headfirst into Chaplain Smart-Mouth. Stunned, she stepped back and shook her head. Chaplain Smart-Mouth looked afraid, very afraid.
Grimacing instead of smiling, Elle relaxed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.”
“I—I was in a rush,” Chaplain Smart-Mouth responded.
She really should figure out what her name was. Elle parted her lips, ready to apologize one more time and to ask, but a nurse emerged from nowhere and interrupted them. “Hey, Chaplain! Good to see you tonight.”
“Likewise,” Chaplain Smart-Mouth said, stepping closer to the nurse and farther from Elle.
Elle caught the movement instantly and regretted ever making her feel that way. It seemed she had a lot more work to do, and this truly was only the beginning.
The nurse went on. “Were you called in to the ER?”
“No. Maternity.”
“Oh.” Sadness seeped through the nurse’s tone.
Elle waited patiently. She didn’t want to let Chaplain Smart-Mouth get away without apologizing one more time, but she feared the nurse and the chaplain were going to leave before she got a second chance or, possibly, a last chance. Sure enough, they had slowly started moving down the hallway, leaving Elle standing alone by the door. The nurse and the chaplain continued chatting amicably while Elle looked on in wonder, grief, and even a twinge of jealousy.
That’s what she wanted. Biting her lip sharply, Elle reached into her pocket and unfolded the piece of paper. She pressed it to the wall and clicked open her pen so she could write down one more goal. Goal Number Four: learn names. Shoving everything away, she headed to the nurse’s station to check the board and run through her patients who were still there and see if any new ones had arrived.
“Baby steps,” she chanted as she made her way back. “This is going to take time to fix.”
Chapter Three
A busy weekend of being on call left June exhausted. Every time she’d been home with Lydia, the house had been full of tension and tiptoeing. She didn’t want to set Lydia off, and every time Lydia tried to set her off, June would avoid and walk away. Conflict was not her thing, which was what surprised her when she’d spoken so harshly to Doctor Vasquez. She’d gone headfirst into that conflict without warning and regretted it every moment since.
“I don’t want to talk. Answer the question.” Vasquez folded her arms across her chest, looking as though she was going to war.
June set her jacket on the back of her chair and relaxed her stance. It was a purposeful move, one she had used many times, but one she was not used to using on doctors. “I should not have spoken to you like that, and for that I am truly sorry. It was unconscionable for me to say what I did.”
“I’m not here for an apology. I’m here for an answer.”
“Doctor Vasquez—”
“Answer the damn question.”
Pausing, June cocked her head to the side. If she was a betting woman, which she wasn’t, she’d say Vasquez was on the verge of crying. “I’m sorry. But yes, what I said was true. They’re scared of you.”
Vasquez sucked in a breath and braced her hand against the doorjamb. “Thank you.”
Without another word, she turned sharply and left, the door bouncing shut after her. June stood in the silence, unsure of what to do. She’d tried to apologize. She’d tried to soften the blow. But she wasn’t about to lie to her. If only she had held her tongue—she’d never had a problem doing that before. Her phone ringing interrupted her thoughts.
June grabbed her cell and looked at the caller ID. Lydia. Again. For the fifth time that night. Answering the call, she pressed the phone to her ear. “Hey. Yeah. I’ll be home shortly. Yes. I’m leaving now. I promise. Turning the light off as I speak. See you soon. Yeah. Love you. Bye.”
Hitting the light, June shook the confrontation with Vasquez off her shoulders and headed out to her cold vehicle. Tomorrow was going to be an even longer day, which hopefully didn’t lead into an even longer night.
Chapter Two
The cold air hit her as soon as she opened the door and walked inside. Elle dropped her keys on the marble countertop in her kitchen, listening as the loud clanging echoed throughout the empty and dark house. Instead of taking off her jacket and shoes like she normally would after a long day at work, she just stood and gazed over her life. Her empty life.
There was nothing in the house for her. No good memories, no warmth, no joy. Tears sprung to her eyes, and hastily, she wiped them away before jerking at her sleeves to get her jacket off. She’d done enough crying that night—enough to last her a lifetime, just about.
It was nine in the morning by the time she’d made it out of the hospital and home. Her brand-new SUV had been frigid as she drove it through the newly snow-covered streets to the nice part of town. Hot tears had stained her cheeks and stung at her eyes the entire drive. This emotion was new. It was raw. It was unbridled. And it hurt.
Elle dropped her jacket onto the counter, toed off her shoes, and walked quietly to the thermostat, where she turned up the heat to a reasonable temperature. It may have been nine in the morning, but she had no desire to sleep, even after working a fourteen-hour shift. Her mind churned over and over, mulling on all that had happened. She couldn’t believe the audacity of the chaplain. She’d never been spoken to like that before.
Then again…she hadn’t necessarily needed to be spoken to like that before either.
What if she was right? Sighing, Elle grabbed an already open bottle of white wine from her fridge and a clean glass from her kitchen cabinet. She filled the glass beyond the acceptable point, left the bottle, and settled into her couch across from her unlit fireplace. She took one sip, the taste not even fazing her.
Was she really mean? And so what? So what if she was mean?
Another sip. Tears stung at her eyes again, and Elle rubbed them furiously, trying to get rid of the desire to let them fall. One word from a chaplain wasn’t going to be the end of her world. What did she even know? They’d never had more of a conversation other than hello and goodbye. Letting out a frustrated snort, Elle shook her head. She didn’t know anything.
But what if she did?
“Ugh!” Elle shouted at no one.
She was right. That damn chaplain was right. Elle downed the rest of her wine in two large gulps. She set her glass on the coffee table and grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch to wrap it around herself. She’d lived her life for far too long alone. Alone but not lonely had been her motto for years, but really it was lonely but not alone—at least until recently.
Elle gnawed on her lip. It was high time she did something about it. Without further hesitation, she stood up and headed for her dining room table. The papers were the only thing on it. In fact, everything in her house was pristine, cold even. The decorations were perfectly in place; nothing was amiss. Her house didn’t look lived in—or feel lived in, even.
Which was exactly how it had been for the seven years of their marriage. Empty. Cold. Distant. Lonely but not alone. Elle grabbed the pen from the pocket of her scrubs and flipped open the pages of the divorce decree. She’d put it off long enough. Logan could be happy with his eye candy, and she could rebuild, start anew, start fresh.
Scrawling her name across the paper right where the sticky-tabbed arrow pointed felt final. But it felt good. In fact, it felt perfect and right. She signed her name again on the next page and the next. One after the other, she finished her divorce, effectively ending the relationship they had built ten years prior and destroyed for the last five.
Elle slammed the papers on the table before shoving them harshly into the envelope they came in. She closed it tight and walked away. Something clicked inside. Chaplain Smart-Mouth was right. She had turned into a different woman these last years, the past two in particular, and she hadn’t become someone she liked.
Stripping down naked as she walked, she didn’t bother to put away her dirty scrubs like she normally would meticulously do. No one was there to yell at her. No one was there to scoff and complain when they stumbled over her dirty wardrobe when they woke. No one but herself.
She climbed under the covers in her bed, laid on her back, and stared at the ceiling. She’d made a decision. Chaplain Smart-Mouth was right, so she had to do something about it. She had to change. Trying to get comfortable, she begged for sleep to come. But her mind was anything but quiet or tired. Instead, plans formed one after the other. Change…she had to change. It was going to take a lot of work to get to where she had been with her colleagues and with the hospital. She’d taken the night shifts so she’d be less likely to deal with the bigwigs and had convinced herself it was because she wanted them. She’d been given the crappy shifts because no one wanted to deal with her.
Deep down, she’d known that all along. She just hadn’t wanted to admit it to herself until Chaplain Smart-Mouth was brave enough to say something to her. She wouldn’t be that way any longer. One small step at a time. That’s what she had to do. She would start each shift and each day making sure she complimented each person she worked with, doctor, nurse, medical aide, janitor alike. That’d be a start at least.
Smiling to herself, Elle turned onto her side, pulled the cover up over her shoulders, and beckoned sleep to take her body and mind. It wasn’t long until she fell into a deep and contented rest, perhaps the first she’d had in over a decade.
★
Taking a deep breath in through her nose and letting it out slowly, Elle bolstered herself. Her SUV was warm, and she knew outside would be cold, literally and figuratively. This would take a lot of work. Even after six hours of uninterrupted sleep, she knew it was the right decision to make.
Only allowing for one more hesitation, Elle turned off the engine and pushed open her car door. The frigid air blasted her face as more snow continued to fall. She hit the power lock on the key fob and made a mad dash for the door to the hospital. Upon walking in, she knew she’d made the right decision. Nurses scowled in her direction; they scattered the opposite way as she continued inside. The front receptionist said nothing to her but turned her face down and pretended to be working. She had a lot more work to get done than she thought she did.
Unwinding the scarf from her neck, Elle made her way to her locker and shoved it all in. Her step was lighter than it had been in ages. The divorce papers were in the mail, and she was determined to renew her life and make changes to be who she wanted to be. She’d always dreamed of being the doctor who made a difference—well, now was her chance.
She grabbed a cup of coffee and took a large sniff of it before she took a tentative sip. It was hot, fresh-brewed, and perfect. Anyone working on that floor knew Jerica would have been the one to make it. Grinning to herself, Elle knew exactly where she would start.
She headed for the nurses’ station with the coffee in her hand to check the boards and see where they were that night. With a heavy snowfall, there would no doubt be car accident victims in, but they would be prepared for that. Luck would have it that Jerica was at the nurses’ station, handing out orders as a good charge nurse would. Elle leaned against the counter as she studied the board, still sipping her coffee. She turned and grabbed her patient tablet and smiled at Jerica.
“Thanks for making the coffee tonight. You always make the best brew.”
Without another word, she sauntered away to go check on her patient. The air in the room changed visibly. If she were honest with herself, which was also one of her new resolutions, the air around her had changed. Elle scanned the patient information briefly before heading behind the curtain.
“I’m Doctor Vasquez. Can you tell me a little bit about what’s going on today?” She smiled, a genuine true smile. Her plan was going to work—it had to.
“I’m having a lot of pain here.” The woman pointed to her stomach.
“All right, what kind of pain? Is it sharp? Dull? Does it come and go?”
“It comes and goes. It’s sharp too. It takes my breath away; it hurts so bad.”
“Any other pain?”
The woman shook her head and looked to her presumed husband.
“Are you nauseous at all?”
“No. It’s really just the pain.”
“Okay. I’m going to press on your stomach a bit. Let me know if it hurts more or if the pain changes location.” Elle moved next to the bed and pressed both her hands gingerly into the right side of the woman’s stomach. She glanced at her young face, seeing if there was any reaction while also feeling if there was any hardness to her belly. When there was nothing, she shifted her hands slightly and tried again.
Three more times, and she was pretty sure she found the root cause. Elle stepped back and made a note on her patient tablet before she smiled at the woman. “I’m going to have my nurse come in here and set you up for a quick sonogram, but I think you might have a cyst on your ovary that is causing you some issues. It gets rather painful when they’re about ready to burst.”
Suddenly, the woman was cringing again. Her presumed husband stepped closer and grabbed her hand while she gripped the edge of the hospital bed until her knuckles turned white. Elle was up and next to her within seconds, calming her through the pain. Jerica came in while Elle coaxed the woman through it. When Elle glanced over her shoulder at Jerica, she could see the surprise written on her face.
It didn’t take much longer for the pain to subside. Elle sat back down and wrote out the order for the sonogram while explaining the most likely scenario. The woman turned sheet-white at the mention of the possibility of surgery, but Jerica was there to help explain it a little better. Elle left the woman in good hands as she went back to the board to see who was next.
Her plans were taking form.
Things seemed to be clicking into place for Elle. She felt like she was finally on the right track after being off the beaten path for far longer than she could remember. She knew there’d be hiccups along the way, people who were suspicious of her change in attitude, but that was the point, wasn’t it? If they were suspicious, then she knew it was working, and she truly was changing.
Logan had complained relentlessly about how involved she was in her cases and how wrapped up she was in her head and her needs. Well, she was going to change. Not for him, but for herself. She was going to become a new person, a new woman, a new doctor, and maybe even a new partner for whoever may come along. Gosh—what if this did change her life so she could be in a happy and loving relationship again?
All she remembered from her husband was cold. Cold, empty, and pain. Nothing from him brought joy to her anymore. Not even remembering when they first met or when he doted on her while they were dating. It had been so long ago she could barely remember it at all. Not to mention they’d both been in medical school at the same time and had been focused on their studies. He’d always been jealous she was smarter than him, did better in classes than him, and was quicker to pick up new techniques. In his mind, a traditional relationship was the way to go. Perhaps that’s why his new eye candy would suit him better.
Elle shook the thought from her mind. She saw three new patients before she found herself with some time for a break. Nurses were going to change shifts shortly, and she’d have to start her complimenting all over again. Thus far, it had been going well. She could hear the whispers behind her back, but this time, the tone was different. Instead of anger or fear lingering after the words, this time was filled with confusion and mystery.
It was best it stayed like that for a while. Elle wondered if Chaplain Smart-Mouth would be called in that night or if she was even on the schedule. It’d be nice to see if she noticed a difference in her. Perhaps that was too much to ask after only one shift into her new way of life, but a girl could hope, right? Blushing slightly, Elle shook her head and continued working on her charting. Sometimes she felt her job was endless paperwork—one of those necessary evils no one ever liked to do.
She was, however, quite good at it. Seeing as the evening would continue to be quiet, Elle took out a small notebook and pen from her scrubs and titled the top of the paper. “Goals” was scrawled across in her perfect penmanship. She wanted to be able to read it later, not just assume what she’d decided. She easily wrote down goal number one, which she decided last night, but she also needed a few more to work up to.
Goal number two… Elle ran through a whole list of things it could be. It had to be something good, though, something that would build on complimenting her coworkers. Oh! There, she had it. Number Two: make a friend. It couldn’t be that hard, could it? She hadn’t had a friend since college, and even those people she’d called friends then she didn’t really speak to now. It almost felt as if it had been far too long to contemplate even contacting them again to see if they still had something in common.
Pushing the thought to the side, Elle focused on a third goal. A goal that would let her know she truly was on the right path of changing her life and her mindset. Chewing on the end of the pen, she glanced to the door of the office to make sure no one else was coming in. She put pen to paper, knowing in an instant what she wanted to write down. Goal Number Three: go on a date.
There. She’d said it. Or rather, she’d written it down. She’d admitted exactly what she wanted for her life. She didn’t want her love life to end with her ex-husband. She wanted to continue, to move on, to find love. Love…she certainly had been missing that from her last relationship. He had found it, but she hadn’t even been looking. That was her mistake through and through, but today began her new life, her new change. Today, she started fresh.
“To love then…” Elle whispered to herself. She ripped off the piece of paper from the notebook, folded it twice, and shoved it into the pocket of her scrubs. She didn’t want to lose that paper, and she certainly didn’t want anyone else to see it either.
After finishing up her paperwork, Elle pushed open the office door and ducked out into the hallway. She ran headfirst into Chaplain Smart-Mouth. Stunned, she stepped back and shook her head. Chaplain Smart-Mouth looked afraid, very afraid.
Grimacing instead of smiling, Elle relaxed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.”
“I—I was in a rush,” Chaplain Smart-Mouth responded.
She really should figure out what her name was. Elle parted her lips, ready to apologize one more time and to ask, but a nurse emerged from nowhere and interrupted them. “Hey, Chaplain! Good to see you tonight.”
“Likewise,” Chaplain Smart-Mouth said, stepping closer to the nurse and farther from Elle.
Elle caught the movement instantly and regretted ever making her feel that way. It seemed she had a lot more work to do, and this truly was only the beginning.
The nurse went on. “Were you called in to the ER?”
“No. Maternity.”
“Oh.” Sadness seeped through the nurse’s tone.
Elle waited patiently. She didn’t want to let Chaplain Smart-Mouth get away without apologizing one more time, but she feared the nurse and the chaplain were going to leave before she got a second chance or, possibly, a last chance. Sure enough, they had slowly started moving down the hallway, leaving Elle standing alone by the door. The nurse and the chaplain continued chatting amicably while Elle looked on in wonder, grief, and even a twinge of jealousy.
That’s what she wanted. Biting her lip sharply, Elle reached into her pocket and unfolded the piece of paper. She pressed it to the wall and clicked open her pen so she could write down one more goal. Goal Number Four: learn names. Shoving everything away, she headed to the nurse’s station to check the board and run through her patients who were still there and see if any new ones had arrived.
“Baby steps,” she chanted as she made her way back. “This is going to take time to fix.”
Chapter Three
A busy weekend of being on call left June exhausted. Every time she’d been home with Lydia, the house had been full of tension and tiptoeing. She didn’t want to set Lydia off, and every time Lydia tried to set her off, June would avoid and walk away. Conflict was not her thing, which was what surprised her when she’d spoken so harshly to Doctor Vasquez. She’d gone headfirst into that conflict without warning and regretted it every moment since.
