Shameless expectations, p.2
Shameless Expectations, page 2
two
Gasping with a start, Athena jerked awake.
She curled her fingers around the arms of her favorite wingback chair in the library, one of the few places she ever felt comfortable. The room was dim, only the lamp in the corner and the one on the table turned on. Her eyes were so damn blurry that it was hard to see, but she wasn’t willing to release the chair yet. She might need her hands free.
Athena blinked to try and clear the sleep from her gaze. She slowed her breathing and her heartbeat, then turned to find Monti, sitting in the chair opposite hers with a mug almost to her lips, a book resting on her thigh, and one ankle crossed over her knee.
“Before you ask, it’s been three hours,” Monti said, her voice that same calm it had been when she’d started the massage. “No one has been in here except me and Fallon.”
Athena released a breath, the tension that had been riding in the top of her chest falling almost immediately. Well, as much as it ever did, because if she paid attention, it never completely vanished. She rolled her shoulders and released her grip on the arms of the chair.
Three hours.
Straight.
Without interruptions.
That was honestly the most sleep she’d had in one go in weeks. Athena looked around her library, blinking. Her brain wasn’t catching up fast enough with what was actually happening. “What time is it?”
“A little after six.”
Athena held in the curse. She had so much work to do, work that couldn’t be missed. She was lucky that she hadn’t missed any scheduled meetings. Brushing her hand through her hair, Athena stopped. Her hair was still down around her shoulders, loose. Monti had pulled the clip out and set it on the table.
One quick glance told her it was still there.
She’d never been comfortable sleeping with strangers in the vicinity before. Why was this so different? It was probably because she was so exhausted that her body had just given in. Athena pursed her lips and glanced at the book on Monti’s thigh.
She’d read that one multiple times. Monti must have caught the direction of her gaze, because she closed the book and set it on the small table between the chairs.
“I didn’t think you’d mind if I read while you slept.”
“It’s a library.” Athena stopped there, the rest of the sentence obvious. Books were meant to be read, and she wouldn’t have them there just for aesthetics. But Monti wouldn’t know that. They’d never met before, and despite Fallon’s several mentions of her elusive sister, Athena hadn’t cared to pay too much attention.
“How are you feeling?” Monti’s tone was back to that smooth quality, which immediately reminded Athena of a therapist’s office.
She’d been in those enough over the years and none of them had helped. She watched with rapt curiosity as Monti brushed a hand through her short hair, the soft brown strands popping back into place. Monti Schroeder was a curiosity if Athena had ever met one. Monti was unlike her sister—casual, relaxed, clearly smart—to the point they were almost complete opposites.
“Where did you go to school?” Athena didn’t drop her gaze. She always wanted to see what everyone wasn’t saying, and that usually was written all across their bodies.
“Is that really your question?” Monti drew her eyebrows together, canting her head to the side slightly.
“Yes.”
Monti sighed and waved a hand out in front of her. Then she took a sip from her mug and rested her free hand on her knee, curling her long fingers on her knee. “I received my undergraduate degree in sociology from the University of Puget Sound, and my master’s in psychology from Colorado State.”
“You move often.”
“Yes.” Monti stared at her, quite directly. It was unnerving, but Athena didn’t move. This was likely how it felt when she stared at people. “And you?”
“Harvard Law.” She hadn’t expected the pushback at her own degree. She’d gone to school to get a break from her parents, and as an attempt to find something to do with her life, something out from under their thumb.
“Impressive is what I’m supposed to say to that, but when you come from money, it’s easy to get a degree wherever you want.”
Cold rushed through Athena. “Excuse me?”
“I’m not saying you didn’t earn your degree. But economically speaking, you had an advantage that others didn’t.” Monti seemed to pale slightly.
“An advantage I used.”
“Well, why wouldn’t you?”
Athena ran a single finger over the wood in the arm of the chair, the feel of the smooth material calming her. She did it again as she worked through her upset over Monti’s implication. She knew she’d grown up in a privileged household. Coming from money was something she’d always known would be a burden, but she’d dealt with it the best way she knew how. From what she’d gathered about Fallon, that wasn’t the case for their family.
“Are you feeling more rested?”
Jerking with a start, Athena realized that she had missed something in the in between, when she was lost in her thoughts. She had been doing that more and more often lately. Perhaps with a few hours of sleep, she would be able to find her brain again. “Yes.”
“Good. Most people forget about the skull when they do massages. But I’ve found them to be quite useful in easing migraines and relaxing the rest of the body. Everything is interconnected.” Monti took another sip from her drink before setting it down, the tassel from the tea bag swinging in the movement.
What kind of tea would Monti Schroeder drink?
“Yes, well, it’s an odd feeling,” Athena mumbled, not sure what to do. Which was a rare occurrence for her.
“It can be.” Monti slid forward, elbows on her knees, fingers steepled together. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Talk about what?” Athena’s tone was sharp, but that phrase was one that would always set her off. And she had work to do. Why was she still sitting here entertaining a conversation? Yet Athena couldn’t make herself leave.
“Why you’re not sleeping.” It was a statement, not a question.
“Stress. Why does anyone not sleep?” Her defenses kicked into her high gear. All that nervous energy piled together and swam a violent whirlpool in her chest, pulling everything toward the pit of her stomach.
“There are as many reasons as there are people in this world.”
Athena paused. Perhaps she wasn’t giving Monti enough credit. She was educated, even if she hadn’t managed to live in one place very long and she wasn’t currently working, according to Fallon. Athena clenched her jaw. “Thank you for your services, Monti.”
Monti’s lips parted, as if she was going to say something, but she stopped.
Athena pushed to her feet, her toes curling slightly as tension rippled along her calves, up into her thighs, her stomach, and her shoulders. Three hours of sleep would have to be enough. She had a case she needed to work on, and she was running out of time because the trial was coming up.
“Ms. Pruitt, I need to check in with you about the care you received today.”
“You did. It was satisfactory.” Athena snagged the book and started toward the shelf where Monti had pulled it from.
“No, we didn’t.”
When Athena spun around, she found Monti still studying, fingers steepled, but she was leaning back in the chair like she owned it. Like she belonged there. The feeling disturbed her. Athena froze on the landing, the shelves at her back. “I found it useful.”
“Was the touch too much?” Monti’s tone softened as she asked, as if she already knew that the question itself was going to cause upheaval. How was Monti so insightful?
And perhaps Monti did know exactly what this had done to her. Maybe Monti Schroeder had been paying attention. It was rare that Athena had found someone who was able to do that after only one session. It released even more of that tension. But Athena resisted that feeling. It was uncomfortable and against her nature. Still, the thought occurred to her that Monti might as well just unravel her.
“It was fine.” It wasn’t a lie. Athena had almost forgotten that Monti was a stranger, touching her. If Athena closed her eyes—which she wouldn’t do—she could still feel the sliding of Monti’s finger against her. Stopping that train of thought, Athena stiffened her shoulders and set herself back on track.
But each time she thought about going back to before, even though it was only a few hours ago, it was another stab to her heart. She hadn’t done the job of protecting herself from someone else—she’d let Monti get too close. Athena reached up and brushed her fingers through her tangled hair. She’d almost forgotten about that, and the sharp tug was a good reminder of how she’d already let her guard down too much.
Self-conscious, Athena pulled her hand down to her side and gave Monti a hard stare. She wanted her clip back, and she wanted her hair back in place. Everything in here was disordered, and it shouldn’t be. This should be the simplest and purest place for her to be in the house. It was always that. Yet with Monti here, it was something else entirely. Monti was nothing more than a disruption, and Athena couldn’t have that. It would throw her into chaos that she’d never recover from.
“Ms. Pruitt, I’d like to help you, but unless you actually answer my questions, nothing is going to improve.”
“Help me? You’re here as a favor to your sister.” Those defenses Athena had were still up. But again, normally she would have walked out of the room already, disappeared from the conflict. And she found herself unable to leave, still staring at Monti and her dark brown eyes, her calm countenance.
“True.” Monti dropped her hands. “And I can leave anytime I want. Do you want me to?”
Yes. The answer was on the tip of Athena’s tongue, but she couldn’t make herself say the word. Because she wasn’t sure that was what she wanted to say. Three hours of uninterrupted sleep had been blissful, and if Monti could give that to her again?
Athena might just let her stay.
“I have work to get done.” It was Athena’s go-to defense, and it always worked.
“Far be it from me to get between you and work.” Monti put her hands on her knees and pushed up to stand. She had long legs, just like Fallon. But beyond a few commonalities in their looks—their eye color, their body shape—they were complete opposites. Monti stepped away from the chair, her hands automatically sliding into her pockets.
Athena tensed sharply and took a step backward. Something moved into her throat, clogging it. She couldn’t scream. She couldn’t breathe properly. Her heart thundered, making it impossible to focus. Sound raged through her ears.
“Ms. Pruitt.” Monti’s voice cut through everything.
Athena grasped onto it and clung. Monti was the better alternative to the flash she’d seen. And all she had to do was focus on the other woman in the room to stay present in the here and now.
Athena blinked. She took a steadying breath and looked directly at Monti.
“I forgot. I’m sorry.” Her hands were out next to her sides, palms toward Athena in the most non-threatening way possible.
Damn. I thought I was better with that already.
Swallowing the lump that clogged her throat, Athena straightened her spine. “Fallon will see you out.”
Without another word, she stalked toward the door and walked out. She couldn’t go back in there. She couldn’t face Monti and her embarrassment from that episode. It had been years since she’d been this bad, and the fact that it was coming back up now? She hated herself even more for it. The hallways were quiet, which meant most of her staff was already gone for the day. Soon enough, Fallon would leave her, and she would be all alone in her house.
In the quiet.
Athena pushed that thought to the side. She could manage one more night. She had every night for the last twenty-two years. Though it would help if Kevin was home. Even if they didn’t sleep in the same bed, it eased her discomfort knowing that someone else was in the house with her. Someone she could actually trust. Athena walked into her office suite.
“Ms. Pruitt.” Fallon stood up immediately.
“You can send your sister home, Fallon.”
“Um… Is everything okay?” Fallon paled, that nervous energy she always seemed to carry with her fully present now.
Athena inwardly winced. She should take better care, though most days she struggled just to keep up with her own needs and had nothing left for anyone else. She nodded sharply. “Fantastic. Send her home, and when you’re done, feel free to leave yourself.”
“All right.” Fallon sounded nervous.
Athena didn’t have the time for it. She walked into her office and shut the door. Everything was just like she left it. Papers and books on her desk, her computer on but asleep. She relaxed and closed her eyes briefly before she stepped toward her desk.
She’d been working on this case for months now, and they were finally gearing up for the trial. Athena ran her fingers through her hair, belatedly realizing that her hand shook. This case was affecting her more than it should, but something about it bothered her.
Her client had been stalked for twelve years and no one had done a damn thing about it. Not only was it unconscionable, it was ridiculous. The amount of turmoil and resistance her client had faced throughout the last decade because she was a woman and because no one had listened to her was without reason.
It wasn’t the first case Athena had taken on like this. It wasn’t the first time she’d dealt with issues this terrible if not worse. But this one case affected her more. And for the last three months that she’d been working on it, Athena hadn’t been able to put her finger on why.
Except twelve years was a long time.
Almost as long as twenty-two.
And if in twelve years nothing had been done, no one had listened, it gave Athena very little hope that twenty-two years would make any difference. Which left her exactly where she was.
Alone.
Working.
And trying to find justice for someone who stood a chance at getting it.
Because hell knew Athena didn’t stand a chance.
Athena pulled the heavy law book in front of her and opened it to where she’d left off. She always did prefer to work with books over electronics, so long as she could manage it. Sliding her finger along the rough paper, Athena lost herself in the words.
She wouldn’t lose.
Not this time.
three
The sun shone against Monti’s skin, warming her cheeks even though the air was chilly this time of year. The park she’d found was beautiful, and with the people bustling around it she could almost take her mind off the fact that she’d broken her fast of massaging.
And for what?
A few dollars and a curt dismissal.
She frowned, trying to push back the entitlement that she felt bubbling up in her. Athena had no idea who she was and clearly had her own demons to face. Monti couldn’t judge her quick reactions because every person was their own person.
At least that’s what she kept trying to tell herself.
It wasn’t really working.
Sighing heavily, Monti closed her eyes. She crossed her legs, the cold water from the morning dew seeping into her loose pants. They’d no doubt be damp for hours afterward, but she could live with that. It would be a good reminder of what she’d discovered on this journey.
Monti centered her breathing. She focused on it, the in and out of air from her lungs. Starting with the top of her head, she ran through the meditation quickly and then paused, letting her body work its magic to find the peace that she so desperately longed for. The one thing that was elusive in her life that she’d left everything behind to find.
And yet she still couldn’t grasp onto it.
Pain. Frustration. Annoyance.
It all slipped through her faster than a gunshot, though the wounding it left had the same rippling effect. Sometimes she wondered if she was ever going to find peace.
Or if it even existed.
Giving up, Monti stood up and brushed her pants off. She smiled at a young woman who jogged in her direction, sweat dripping down her face as she moved at a steady pace. It had been a while since Monti had taken any kind of lover. She’d been so focused on trying to find herself that she’d lost track of even paying attention to someone else. She didn’t need love, definitely not the physical sort.
What she needed was peace.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she smiled at the gentle reminder from Fallon about lunch. She’d lost track of time. With the constant gray skies, it was harder to keep track of it all. But then again, she’d never been particularly good at that. Brushing her short hair behind her ear, Monti stretched her legs as she took the long walk back the way she had come.
Peace.
What did that even mean?
She hadn’t had peace her entire life. She’d been born into chaos, and while she’d distanced herself from it, that myth of peace still hung over her. Fallon was the only good thing to come out of that house. Then again, Tia choosing to raise them had been the second-best thing. If only they’d been ripped from their home sooner. Running her fingers through her hair, Monti kept her pace a meandering stroll.
She needed to right her mind before she went into a conversation with her sister. Their relationship had enough stressors in it that they didn’t need to add Monti’s worries to it. And Fallon would understand if she was late. She always did.
Monti walked and walked and walked. By the time she reached the coffee shop where Fallon had said to meet her, she was forty minutes late. She’d definitely get a reaming for this one, but she’d needed the time to think. Even if she didn’t come up with any solutions.
There are no solutions. Only journeys.
The words echoed in her mind, but she couldn’t recall where they came from. It could be from any number of teachings, and did it honestly matter which one? She wasn’t looking for an answer. Just peace. And she’d been careful not to make peace the answer, hadn’t she?
