Shameless expectations, p.3
Shameless Expectations, page 3
“There you are!” Fallon’s smile faltered slightly, as if she could immediately sense Monti’s overcast mood that morning. “What’s wrong?”
Monti cringed. Yup, her sister was always sensitive to the emotions of those around her. And Monti was no exception to that rule. How was Fallon handling her boss not sleeping? Monti’s guess was not well.
“Nothing.” Monti slid into the seat across from her sister and plastered on a smile. She really shouldn’t do that, but she also didn’t want Fallon to worry any more than she already did. And if Fallon was good at one thing, it was worrying. “I was meditating at the small park along the river. Have you been there?”
“No.” Fallon squinted into her cup. “I haven’t found the time.”
“Which means you haven’t made it,” Monti challenged. She used to think the same way as Fallon. But it was really because she wasn’t making the time to do anything that was life-giving for her. Monti had stopped that as soon as she found out how detrimental it was to her.
“Fair.” Fallon raised an eyebrow, her gaze sharp. “And what have you made time for?”
“Meditation.” Monti smiled, settling into that feeling of calm she found whenever she did a practiced meditation. Well, most of the time she did one. Lately, it had become harder to find her center, harder to be encompassed by that calm. “And I’ve been exploring this city again, with new eyes.”
“What does that even mean?” Fallon rolled her eyes as she sipped her coffee.
Monti laughed lightly. “It doesn’t really matter.” She ordered a tea when a waitress came over. They settled into silence. Monti knew where the conversation was going to go, just the same way that it always did.
“When are you going to settle down?” Fallon asked.
And there it was. The question Fallon always asked and the one Monti always avoided.
“Never.” Monti pressed her palms flat against the wooden table, the unfinished surface smooth against her skin with how worn it was. “I like being a nomad.”
“I don’t like not knowing where you’re at.”
“You always know where I’m at.” Monti thanked the waitress and sipped her tea. “You always know how to get hold of me.”
“If you answer your phone.”
“I’ll always answer for you,” Monti charged back, hoping it would be enough but also knowing that it wouldn’t be.
“You don’t.”
“I’ll try to do better.” That age-old frustration burned in the top of her chest, but she really didn’t want to deal with it, not today. The check that was being deposited into her account would keep her going for another month easily. That and the connection to Athena Pruitt for one massage were things that Monti was grateful for.
“You always say that.”
“I do,” Monti agreed. She couldn’t fault Fallon. There were times when she would go silent for days and weeks at a time, just to try and find herself in the midst of everything going on in the world. There was no way she could do that with her sister nagging in her ear. So she dropped it and took a sip of her burning hot and not quite steeped tea.
Fallon sighed heavily. “I’ve missed you.”
“Same.” They could at least agree on that. It had been far too long since they’d sat together in the same room. “You could always come with me, you know. I was planning a trip to Belize in a few months.”
“I don’t know, Monti. I don’t think I can get the time off.”
“You deserve the time off. Take it.” Monti had never understood what pull Athena had on her sister. They were stuck together, and if Athena said jump, Fallon asked how high. “Come on, it could be a fun sisters-only trip.”
Fallon canted her head to the side as if she was really contemplating it. “But I’m going to want to be spoiled if we go. I don’t want to be sleeping in caves or going on long ass hikes. I want to sit at the beach with a margarita and a good book—or five.”
Chuckling, Monti grinned. “I think that could be arranged. I can go on all the hikes, you stay at the resort.”
Pursing her lips, Fallon slowly shook her head. “I don’t believe you’ll come back to drink with me at night. Or that you’ll even book us into a resort.”
“Definitely will.” It was a lie, and they both knew it, but they didn’t have to say it out loud. Monti didn’t drink quite like Fallon did, always one to watch what she put into her body with great care. “Ask Athena for time off. We can go together.”
Fallon pulled her lower lip between her teeth. Was she really contemplating this? It would be amazing if she was, and Monti would stay at any resort just to have some one-on-one sister time.
“With this trial coming up, I don’t think I can.” Fallon’s face fell. “It’s… this is a tough one, and I’ve never seen her like this before.”
“Sleepless in Seattle?” Monti snorted at her own joke.
Fallon gave her a flat look. “So funny. Har, har, har.”
“Hey, it was funny!” It was helpful that Fallon knew Athena so they could actually have this conversation. Not that Monti would reveal anything personal beyond what was already in the open. She was fastidious about confidentiality. Athena’s story wasn’t her story to tell. “Anyway, she can’t keep you working forever.”
“I know.” Fallon nervously twirled her hair around one of her fingers. “But she’s worrying me, Monti. I’m serious. I’ve never seen her like this.”
Monti shrugged. Sure, she was curious what was setting Athena off so much, and at the same time, it wasn’t really her job to figure it out either. But she wanted to. That urge to help Athena hadn’t gone away. In fact, in some ways, it had only gotten worse. She hated that part of herself sometimes. Monti couldn’t help Athena unless she wanted it, and just pushing her way in to satiate her own curiosity wasn’t going to do anyone good.
“You worry too much,” Monti answered, turning her thoughts back to her sister. “And she’s your boss. Put up some better boundaries.”
“Athena is more than my boss.”
Monti frowned. They weren’t in a relationship, were they? Fallon had never said anything about being interested in women. Then again, she barely ever talked about being interested in anyone. Shaking the thought from her brain because it wasn’t her business, Monti sipped her tea again, this time getting the full burst of flavor on her tongue. It was amazing.
“I take care of her,” Fallon added finally.
“So you have a codependent relationship,” Monti said simply, the words blunter than she wanted them to be, but she couldn’t take them back now.
Fallon glared. “We do not.”
“Sure, you don’t.”
“Don’t use your big fancy degrees on me, missy.”
Monti threw her hands up in mock indignation. “I would never dare.”
“Sure, you wouldn’t.” Fallon smirked, but they fell into a comfortable silence. “When would we go? Winter?”
“If you wanted. We can go whenever. It’s not like my schedule is booked up.”
Fallon hummed, as if she was imagining the beach already. Monti wished she was a visual person like that, but she’d tamped down her visual acuity so much in the past years that it was a struggle to visualize just for meditations.
“I’m going to visit Mom soon. It’s her birthday.”
Monti knew the question was coming as soon as Fallon brought it up. But she didn’t want Fallon to ask it. Seeing the disappointment on her face would be too much. Though Monti had only ever given in to the request once.
And once was enough.
“Do you want to go with me?”
“Fallon…” Monti trailed off, hoping that Fallon would come to the conclusion already. “You know I don’t.”
“But will you?”
Now that was a different question than normal. “I’ll have to think about that one.”
Monti could probably force herself to go for her sister’s sake, but that would be it. She still didn’t want to go. There was nothing there for her. Monti was about to speak when Fallon’s phone rang in her purse.
“Sorry.” Fallon fished around and snagged her phone, answering it immediately.
Monti tuned out the conversation, wanting to give her sister privacy. The answers were rapid fire and quick. Monti stared at the counter in the back of the shop, and the very beautiful woman standing behind it. She was bubbly and excited to see new customers come in.
But was that her personality or something she simply wore for the job?
Those types of questions always plagued Monti, no matter where she went. She was unable to escape her constant need to dig deeper and discover who every single person was underneath the surface.
“I’m sorry,” Fallon interrupted her thoughts, bringing Monti right back to the table. “Athena needs me back.”
“It’s not a problem. I’ll catch up with you soon.”
“For sure.” Fallon bent down and gave Monti a half hug. “Please don’t be a stranger.”
“I promise,” Monti whispered. And this time, she meant it.
After Fallon left, Monti finished her tea and wandered around downtown a bit more. She couldn’t stop thinking about Fallon at work, however. More importantly, she couldn’t stop wondering about Athena. Just what was it that caused her to become the person Monti had met?
Everyone had a past. Everyone had things in their lives that formed them. Monti’s was tragic. Then again, whose wasn’t? Monti shoved her hands into her pockets as she walked, then smiled to herself. She could do that today. At least for now. Perhaps a run in the park or another round of yoga would do her some good.
She needed to meditate on what it was about Athena that had captured her attention. What was it she wanted to figure out and why? Because Monti had learned early on that those yearnings usually said more about her than anyone else.
Soon enough Monti would be gone, off in her van to her next destination—once she figured out where that would be. And in her wake, she would leave no one worse off without her. And that was the only thing she knew had to happen. The less impact she made, the better off everyone would be when she left.
Then they would all be able to find peace.
four
“Fallon, I need you to set up a meeting with Gwen Fudala for the upcoming week.” Athena said the words quickly as she walked through Fallon’s office to get to hers.
“Uh… sure.” Fallon quickly sat down and started typing, but something in the way she tensed caused Athena to stop.
She knew she was an exacting boss, that she demanded high quality from her employees, but was she being a bit too harsh? With her inability to get proper rest lately, she was left trying to figure out how to control each urge to snap in anger. And Fallon, unfortunately, had borne the brunt of the moments when Athena hadn’t managed to keep herself in check.
When Fallon finally looked up at her again, a small piece of Athena chipped off. She had been too cruel lately. Rubbing her thumb into the center of her palm to try and bring herself back to reality, Athena glanced at Fallon and debated what to say. An apology wouldn’t be enough, that was for sure.
“How was lunch?” There. That was a satisfactory apology without it being an apology. Right?
“Oh. It was all right.”
Fallon rarely asked to leave for a longer lunch, but Athena couldn’t remember off the top of her head why she’d made the request today. She went back through every memory of the conversations leading up to the lunch and couldn’t piece it together. If she’d been sleeping regularly, she would be able to do that. The fact that she couldn’t remember things like she used to was killing her slowly from the inside out. And it made her wonder just exactly how she was going to get through another case and another trial.
“My sister was late,” Fallon added, the frown evident on her lips. “Really late.”
That’s right. She was meeting with Monti. Monti who had touched her. Monti who had come in and given her a few hours of blissful, restful sleep, which had allowed her the mental capacity to finish the injunction she wanted to file. Athena dragged in a deep breath, an easing of the tension in her chest as she blew out the warm air. Why was it that just thinking about Monti and what she’d accomplished did that?
She parted her lips to answer Fallon, but wasn’t quick enough.
Fallon looked Athena over and said, “She’s always late, to be fair, but this time it was worse than normal.”
Athena was glad that Fallon hadn’t inherited that trait. She wouldn’t still be working there if she had.
“She didn’t used to be, but ever since she quit her job and started living on the road, she doesn’t really have to conform to normal society in quite that way like the rest of us.” Fallon twisted a pen between her fingers, a nervous habit that Athena had noticed on more than one occasion.
“She’s a free spirit,” Athena finally added to Fallon’s one-sided conversation. She felt compelled to say something, especially now that she’d met the infamous Monti, but nothing quite came to mind that would soothe Fallon’s obvious distress.
“She’d call herself that.” Fallon winced as if she’d revealed something that she hadn’t meant to.
But what could it possibly be? Athena didn’t understand sibling dynamics at all, since as an only child she grew up in a vacuum. She was raised to be the heir to her family’s fortune and essentially to figure out what to do with all the riches when her parents died. Which they had. And she’d upheld her end of the bargain so far.
“Or at least I think she’d say that’s what she’s aiming for,” Fallon mumbled the last part.
Athena had almost missed it. She stayed standing in the entryway to her office, not sure if Fallon wanted her to come closer or not or if she could even manage to be in such close proximity to another person. But the question rolled through her mind, and Athena couldn’t stop herself from asking, “She’s not free?”
“Is anyone ever really free from their past?” Fallon’s brown eyes locked on Athena’s, the truth in her statement hard-hitting.
Athena was shackled by her past. She was so tightly confined that she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt a bit of that freedom Fallon was talking about. Or joy. Or even just settled peace. But for right now, she needed to escape this conversation before it got much deeper than it was already. Turning on her toes, Athena walked into her office and closed the door behind her, leaving Fallon to deal with whatever scheduling needed to happen.
As she sat at her desk, with books and everything laid out before her, Athena couldn’t focus. Those few hours of blissful sleep had done wonders in the short term, but for the last several hours, she’d been back to the state she was in before.
Unable to get anything done.
Exhausted.
Distracted.
Which meant she really might not want to meet with Gwen so soon. Pulling out her hair clip, Athena ran her fingers along her skull and her neck, attempting to mimic what Monti had done and failing miserably. Body work was never something she understood. But Monti obviously did, because the way her fingers had worked along Athena’s muscles had been nothing less than a miracle.
Logically, Athena knew that her body was connected to everything, each part of her connected to the other, but how? How did she fix one part in order to force her body to rest and sleep? Because that was what eluded her right now. She couldn’t focus.
Standing, Athena walked to the large window. She crossed her arms and stared out at the rainy field outside. The forest was beautiful with the trees surrounding her, the greens dark this time of year because the sky kept feeding them no matter what. And the gray of the skies almost always suited her mood. She never understood sunshine, or basking in it, or allowing the rays to kiss her skin.
Sure, she’d read about that in books, she’d even attempted to experience it a few times at her beach house in the Florida Keys. But it had all been a waste and she’d given up. She’d come stumbling inside and holed herself up in her library with a good book where her mind could be teased into learning. This house was her home now, the place where she would live until she died.
What a morbid thought was that?
Athena wrinkled her nose and shifted her stance. If she were braver, she’d go on a walk outside. Throw on a jacket and some hiking shoes and disappear into the forest for hours, losing all track of time. She was willing to bet that Monti wouldn’t think twice about doing that.
The knock on the door was sharp.
Athena jumped, spun around, and put her hands in fists at her sides. Her heart raced wildly, and she couldn’t calm it down. That had been worse than normal lately. And she couldn’t make it stop.
“I was able to get ahold of Ms. Fudala, but she can’t meet with you until next week.”
“Perfect.” Athena knew the word came out sharp when she hadn’t intended it to, but it really was optimal. It would give her extra time to sort herself out before they had to talk through details of the trial.
It was the trial.
The thought settled into Athena’s very being. Ultimately, Athena knew, she should never have agreed to take it. There was a reason she’d limited herself on cases in the last five years, and this was it exactly. When she’d looked over the initial request, she couldn’t ignore the fact that Gwen Fudala had seen no justice. And she deserved to find some peace, even if Athena thought that was a crock of bullshit.
“Also, Francine with Shiloh’s Home called with dates for the next gala and to personally request you attend.” Fallon looked so nervous. Had Athena scared her that much?
“Oh?” Athena crossed her arms, her hands grabbing hold of her elbows as if she was hugging herself.
“Would you like me to respond that you’ll attend?”
“If it fits with the schedule, yes.” She loved that particular foundation. It worked with sexual assault victims, sharing their story, helping them find closure along with single parents and young women. If only that was available to everyone. “Let Kevin know. He’ll want to come with me.”
